Getting curious with emotions

Emotions serve a function. They help us understand the situation we are in and what we might need to stay safe and well. Much like physical sensations of pain, hunger, thirst, tiredness (etc.), they’re designed to keep us well and the discomfort is what can often motivate us to make change.

We are not born understanding our emotions. We need other people to help label our emotions as a child when they show up so we know what we are feeling. Similarly, we need to be shown how to respond to the emotion in a way that is helpful and safe. Just like when we are infants, and our caregivers respond to our cries of hunger, pain, tiredness and show us what we need. When our caregivers are attuned to our needs, and respond appropriately, we learn to label, understand and respond to our needs ourselves.

For lots of reasons, our caregivers are not always able to do this. This might mean you could grow up not being able to identify or label your emotions, know how they feel in your body, or understand what they are trying to tell us. You might not learn ways of coping with the emotions. You might even learn unhelpful ways of coping with them, or learn to fear or avoid your emotions. This is especially true if your caregivers responded to your emotions in a similar way.

This is all really understandable and resonates with a huge number of people. It is not your fault. However, there are ways you can start to learn about your emotional experience as an adult.

This exercise helps you gently start to explore your emotions by linking the physical sensations to the emotion.

How to complete the exercise

First, click here to download this worksheet.

Try to practice with less distressing emotions as a start. 

Try to complete the exercise while you are experiencing the feeling or as close to the time as possible.

Writing down or typing your answer is very powerful, so I would encourage you not to skip this part.

As much as possible, engage with a curious mind and try to suspend judgement. If judgement shows up, try to notice that with some curiosity and note that down - it could help you answer question 5.

Answer each question as honestly and with as much detail as you can. If you are stuck on one, you can leave it and come back to it next time. This is important information in itself and could help you understand where you might need to practice.

Repeat the exercise as often as you can, gradually working towards the more uncomfortable or avoided emotions

Consider writing down and reflecting how the exercise felt, this can tell you lots of information about how you feel about being curious with feelings.