What matters to me?

This is something you might be asking yourself. It’s an important question. When we are pushing ourselves to sit with uncomfortable feelings or coming close to the things our minds want us to avoid, we need to know what we are doing this for.

What is a value?

A value is a way of living that feels important to you. It’s not about what you’re doing, it’s about WHY and HOW you’re doing it.

Think of it like a compass direction, not the destination - we can always find our way back to it if we get diverted. Values are hidden throughout our daily decisions. Some might feel obvious, others take some exploration. Here is one way of exploring what matters to you.

1) Start Scrolling

We’re used to hearing that our phones are not good for our mental health, so here is a way we can make best use of it.

Grab your phone and start scrolling through your phone photo gallery.

What have you been taking photos of recently?

What photos make you smile?

Which photos represent you feeling like yourself?

2) Get curious

Ask yourself:

What kind of person was I being in these photos?
What mattered to me about this moment?
What ingredients made it special to me?

3) Name it

Try to reduce these qualities to a set of words. To help - turn it into an adverb:

I want to live [value]ly
I want to love [value]ly
I want to work [value]ly
e.g. I want to live creatively, I want to work passionately, I want to parent patiently

For some ideas of values words, try Dare to Lead or Act Mindfully:

What next?

Once you have explored your values, you can use these to consider how in line with your values you are living. You can question, is this action helping me move towards or away from what matters to me? If I engage with this thought or urge, will this serve my values?

It helps to review your values every now and again. What matters to you changes depending on your circumstances, priorities, preferences and life stage. You might also note that as you explore your values, you identify those that you respected due to ‘shoulds’ and expectations rather than genuine values. We all notice a change in values in our lives, lean into this and try to stay flexible with what matters to you.

For a downloadable version of this task, click here

This exercise comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which helps you commit to your values by changing your relationship with your thoughts. For more information, check out my Services page or contact me to consider engaging in this therapy.

Finding your values